When a feeling is too big for me — too uncomfortable — I just want the escape plan. The emergency exit. Or at least a loophole, so I can get out of the uncomfortable-ness of whatever is going on.
I have learned that I have a low tolerance for discomfort. Oh, I can walk many a miles, or ride many of roads, or hike huge big-ass hills….what I am talking about is discomfort of emotions, situations, myself, other people’s feelings, the unknown.
Not knowing what is going to come next can create the inclination to bolt. To actually have to wait through it all and to be at peace at whatever the outcome might be can create the sudden distress of looking for the escape hatch.
There are a lot of ways to bolt. To leave, to shutdown, to eat when there isn’t even a sign of hunger, to shop, to numb out, to watch reality tv to excess.
To not bolt means that I am willing to stay with vulnerability…to have difficult conversations, to trust my gut, to love unconditionally, to let others experience their own experience. To question what I don’t understand, to ask for what I need, to listen to my heart, to identify what it is that I am actually feeling, to be authentic.
When the desire to bolt comes to me — I just have to remind myself to stay. Just stay. To stay and see what is actually going to happen. To trust that I have everything I need to be able to handle whatever outcomes may come my way. Because if I don’t stay — who knows what I might be missing.
When do you have the inclination to bolt?