I just hired a mindfulness coach, Melissa Maher. My own personal guru to help me enter in to the world of mindfulness. Meditation and yoga are tools to cultivate and practice mindfulness — the art of being non-judgmentally aware of the present moment, no matter what’s presenting itself in that moment.
Melissa is my go-to person to guide me safely through the newer worlds of meditation, yoga and all things mindful.
Last week when we were setting things up, Melissa had recommended five different books for me to read about mindfulness. Being the obsessive, can’t get enough, learn, learn, learn gal I am — I ordered all five books immediately. Obviously, I will be working on patience.
Melissa and I had our first session this week — during our time together we talked about where in my life do I allow silence, where I do I practice the art of extreme self care, and what are my goals when it comes to meditation.
We also talked about the art of sitting. Sitting in meditation. She said, “Focus on your breathing. When you have a thought — notice the thought — and go back to your breathing. If you have an impulse — notice the impulse — and go back to breathing.”
Being the eager meditative student that I am — I said I would like to meditate 15 minutes a day. On day one of sitting — I quickly changed the goal to five minutes a day for this week — feeling like 15 minutes would feel like forever.
There I was — sitting. Ready to focus on my breath. I checked my watch. I shut my eyes. I breathed in. I breathed out. I breathed in. I breathed out. And it was precisely on the third exhale that the world’s longest run-on sentence began going through my head. It went something like this:
“i am doing it, i am mediating, wait, focus on your breathing, in… and out….in….and out….wow, i am on the 12th floor of this building, there aren’t that many tall buildings back in santa cruz, i wonder what it would be like to live in a real high-rise…maybe in new york city…on the 54th floor…it could happen, the jeffersons moved on up….whatever happen to Mr. Bentley….can you imagine working on the 100th floor of a building…in a fast paced city…that would be like the world trade center…oh my god, don’t think about the world trade center…don’t think about the world trade center….breathe in and breathe out….breathe in and breathe out…ahhhh…i am so getting the hang of this, i feel so peaceful…i should feel peaceful i am on vacation…i so need a vacation…peace, quiet, reflection….i want to start that dragon tattoo book soon…maybe after lunch…i wonder what’s for lunch…i am doing so good on not eating wheat….wait…breathe in and breathe out….i sure hope the weather warms up…i want to go on the boat…sitting up front, with my ipod on, waving at the boats as we fly by, i love boats…i love water…i love dolphins…last time i was on a boat i saw a butterfly…..wait…breathe in and breathe out…ahhh…perfect….now I am really getting the hang of this…i am such a meditator…is meditator even a word..i make up words some times….so in the moment…so….breathe in….breathe out….i wonder what time it is, has five minutes gone by…what an over achiever I am trying to think i could do 15 minutes right out of the gate…why do i do that..why do i put that pressure on myself…but i am doing great, it probably has been 10 minutes already…but who knows…if i look, is that cheating…i am not sure…i want to look, but i shouldn’t look….how do you look if you aren’t suppose to be looking at the time….this is all so new….ok, i will look….”
only three minutes and 47 seconds left to go.
Breathe in. Breathe out.